So I finally remembered the existence of this account after several weeks (months?? maybe not) or not thinking about it. I'm surprised some people actually visited during my period of non-posts, which is pretty much all the time. I don't even know why I have a blog in the first place. Maybe I just sat down and thought, hey, I hate the idea of blogging - ie. publishing all the inconsequencial nitty-gritties of my life to the world (exaggerated?? how about, um, microcosm of the world, let's just say), I hate having to write for nothing, and I even hate the word/non-word "blog". So why not start one??

So, stupidly, I did. And here I am blogging about why I decided to blog, or non-blog.

So anyway, talk about something actually *meaningful*.

I discovered how to "hack" into someone else's hotmail/yahoo e-mail account. The reason I say " "hack" " instead of "hack" is because this is not really hacking, but more a kind of cheat to get someone else's password. Here's the link: http://hackit.8m.com/  <--- I haven't tried it myself, but it seems like a simple enough concept that might work.

And, break begins starting from next week. Yay. More time to procrastinate and lounge around and go back to school realizing - with horror - that there's a ton of studying/homework I should have done, but didn't. Maybe I'll start writing a novel this time, since I always have at least a dozen ideas floating around in my head that never get worked on. Classic procrastination. And I'm saying this not because I'm proud of it. I just like the word. Procrastination. Sounds like some kind of deep, fundamentalist philosophy that I don't usually get.

Sometimes it feels like life is just the same all the time. You go to school, hang out, talk about all the crazy dreams you'll never be able to fulfill in your lifetime and at the end nothing even matters. Not that I'm old enough to say for a fact that that's how it's going to be. But really, how much can it all mean if even I, at this age, realize that it's all just nothing?? Surely you must do too. You just don't want to admit it.

Hmm, weird. Don't know where that came from. Maybe I'll think about that and get back to this idea some other time. Bye xoxo ~

Sometimes I wonder if I'm all right. Normal. Normal people don't feel the way I do -- scared and guilty and sad, sad to the point I'll cry when I look at the most ordinary thing in the world, a pencil or anything. This song is how I feel. It's so much how I feel that it's almost a part of me.

You can't not wonder if whoever wrote the song feels it, really. If that person felt the exact same way you do, and s/he is crying out for your help through the music. Maybe it's just me; some excuse, some fantasy to make myself believe I'm not the only one. The only one who's not normal.

And I don't know which way is left
And there's no point in not being right
So I'll hold my breath till the morning
Till I see the light

I'm on the run
I'm on the run again
From me

Maybe you don't get it. You don't get what it feels like to not know where to turn and not want to be wrong at the same time. So you end up doing nothing and hoping it will go away. It's been years. I've been hoping for years; but it just gets worst.

I'm drowning in these feelings
And it's scaring me to death
Staring at the ceiling
So many things I could have said

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